My LES foodie dream

Eater had a contest to describe how you would spend $250 on food and a drink on a Thursday night in the Lower East Side. The prize, dinner at 71 Clinton that’s closing.

 I’m difficult though. I would prefer to spend my money on a Saturday or Lazy Sunday in the LES, rather than Thursday night. Oh, and another little caveat, I can’t drink. and I don’t drink.

So, I wrote up a little diddy but never sent it. For my own records, this is how I would spend a dream Saturday or Sunday in the LES with $250 for food (provided by someone else).

I like bang for my buck, so $250 is like a goldmine.  First, you have to start with brunch since getting an early start to the day is out of the question if your quest, as in mine, would be gluttony.

Essex of course fits the bill. $12 for the matzo brei concoction ( I go the vegetarian route on this one though I think there is a meatier one as well) and then of course a side of  home fries for another $3 and then of course all the mimosa’s you can drink. Technically I think it’s three and I don’t drink but since I plan on only paying for my own meal, since I’m stingy and technically the money would be mine, I’ll pass out those drinks to the brunch party as compensation. Finally of course, leave a $5 tip for service and having to deal with my then drunk friends.So that leaves $230.

Yonah Schimmel’s is next on the list to load up on knishes. Why not? Scary work lady who took me to see Kinsey with her and her 70 year old husband introduced them to me. The only good thing she introduced me to that night. At what I remember is like $2 a pop, you can get a lot from savory to sweet. I would bulk up on the potato and then the sweet potato variety- 10 each to appease the masses totaling only $40.

That leaves $190.

Having resided in the dear old jolly land of England, I miss the chocolates immensely. Therefore best head to Economy Candy to load up on them. My faves are the Aeros, Flakes, and Kit Kat Chunky’s. The each run about $1.40 so figure 10 each, since I really should watch my figure is $42. While I’m there might as well get some bulk candy as well, I’m a sucker for dark chocolate nonpareils. I think those run about $12/lb so get two-who really needs to watch their figure anyway, bringing the total up to $66.

That leaves $133.

Enough of being thrifty. Time to splurge WD-50 – never been and am quite curious. So best get the veggie tasting menu at $95, then of course the dessert tasting at $35 Which is $130.

Finish up the night after opening both the button and zipper of my pants and walking like I just rode a horse with a grilled veggie dog at the pushcart for $2, and tip the guy $1 because he was always nice to me.


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